Business travellers are a beleaguered bunch. Envious office-bound colleagues assume you’re off on another whirlwind of champagne, caviar, luxurious hotels and fascinating places. But those who travel on business know better. With more years of business travel under her seatbelt than she’d like to admit, Marilyn Arthurs takes an irreverent look at the plight of taking flight to make a living.
Admittedly, business travel can have its rewards. New places, new people, different working environments can add up to a first-hand education in how business is done at home and abroad. All too often, however, travelling on business is boring at best, sometimes lonely, and more often than not annoying, exasperating and downright baffling.
Just getting there can be a chore!
Take flying, for instance. In recent years, airline security has been necessarily stepped up, making the process extremely time-consuming. But the next time you travel, don’t get annoyed: just stand back and enjoy the ridiculously chaotic scene unfolding before your very eyes.
Think about it. Just a decade ago, who would have thought we’d see thousands of people arrive at the airport fully dressed and ready to go, only to be told to remove their hats, coats, jackets, belts, shoes, mobile phones, keys, loose change, and the list goes on ... then proceed to put themselves back together all over again after they clear security – ludicrous, but highly entertaining.
Once on the plane, chances are you’ll spend the next several hours seated next to the world’s most boring person (WMBP). In my early days of business travel, I was sure I had this one covered and most of the time I did. I was often asked what I had studied at university or wherever, so I replied that I was a Latin major (which happens to be true). It always amused me to see how quickly WMBP’s attitude changed to a look of horror and discomfort which left me free to spend the rest of the
flight undisturbed.
Until, that is, the day I ended up sitting beside a real live Latin professor. Now what are the chances of that? The horror was all mine as he proceeded to regale me with Cicero’s speeches and Virgil’s poetry all the way across the Atlantic. I never used the Latin connection again.
Proceeding with reservations – or not
Back on the ground and on arrival at the hotel, the whirlwind of fun and frivolity continues. How often have you been told there’s no room at the inn?
Rather than admit they’ve given your room away because you’re late, the receptionist will reply snootily that the hotel has no record of a reservation for you, even if you did guarantee it with a credit card. The attitude is clear: how dare you be late? Even if your flight was delayed for 17 hours, you could at least arrive on time. What do you think this is? A hotel?
Eventually, you find another hotel on the other side of town – or in another town altogether. You’ve missed your first business meeting, a blessing in disguise because you have to rush out to buy some clothes because your luggage has gone to Berlin and you’re in Boston.
You decide to take a shower and calm down. What is it about showers that can have fully mature, highly successful business people practically weeping with frustration as they pull and push at the unfamiliar array of taps and controls? A word to the wise: don’t try to test the shower while fully dressed – especially if you’re wearing your only suit!
The joys of travel
Travelling to new places, whether throughout North America or further afield, can be a real challenge. A business trip to New Brunswick after a severe snowstorm several years ago is a good case in point: the snowplows had hit many of the road signs, turning them round. This made map-reading a confusing dilemma. The more we tried to negotiate our way round, the closer we got to British Columbia.
A trip to Chicago for a trade show was equally entertaining. Travelling on the 13th and sitting in row 13 was indeed an omen, as not one but two cabs broke down on the way in from the airport, and the ‘hotel’ turned out to be one of those inhospitable establishments where they peer out at you suspiciously from behind the bolted doors and windows, trying to decide whether or not to grant entrance. They needn’t have bothered: one look at the so-called accommodation – which looked like it rented by the hour – and we were off to the other side of town and a better class of hotel.
In Singapore, on the other hand, the accommodation was first class, with the exception of a giant spider reclining menacingly on the pillow. The searing heat-wave demanded an air-conditioned taxi. It arrived, complete with windows wide open and a toy-sized plastic fan perched precariously on the dashboard.
In Paris, an airline ticket that had already been changed several times needed one last alteration. As I knew how it had been routed and that I would have to pay extra, I decided to be helpful and explain the situation. I got as far as, “I think if you ...”
A particularly haughty woman sneered down her aquiline nose at me and said with disdain, “Do not try to think. It is obviously too difficult for you.” It turned out to be too difficult for her as well. I ended up with a rebate. It was only 84 francs, but this minor victory has remained on my office wall ever since.
Expanding into exports
If you’ve ever embarked on a market research trip to explore your company’s export potential, you’ll know how challenging international business travel can be – especially if you’re travelling solo. Years ago, a business associate decided it might be time to start selling his range of ironing boards across Europe. He recalls how his initial enthusiasm gradually declined into depression and despair as he trundled his way by night train from country to country, dragging his luggage and his ironing board behind him.
Of course, it was character building, and yes, he did build up his overseas sales of ironing boards. But the next time he made the trip he accepted the support of the government’s overseas offices and group travel.
Women on the road
As we’ve said, business travel can be daunting for everyone at some point. For women, it can be especially challenging. Travelling alone, dining alone, even having a quiet drink can be more uncomfortable for women.
Some years ago, a forum on business travel for women advised that in order to enjoy a quiet drink undisturbed, a woman should order two drinks, giving the impression that she was meeting someone. The one and only time I tried this, a rather-handsome-and-don’t-I-know-it type sidled over and said, “I presume that drink is for me?”
Tales of the unexpected
Anyone who travels on business probably has many such tales to tell. The fact is business travel just isn’t as great as a lot of people think it is. Despite flight delays, mediocre hotel rooms, bad service, hotel food and long hours, we still have to get the work done, often in unfamiliar and uncomfortable conditions.
But all in all, as much as we complain about the challenges and problems of business travel, few of us would give it up either.
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